Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
