i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
