I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
