I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
