the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
