I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
