I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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