if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
