doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
