Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize