you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
