rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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