She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
