Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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