so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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