But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
