I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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