Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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