new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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