i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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