Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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