so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
