eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize