I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
