I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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