I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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