I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
