dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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