Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
