I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
