I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
