well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
