I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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