Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
