i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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