Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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