He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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