I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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