shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm really busy with my period
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