Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
