Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
