I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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