Christians are straight up FREAKS
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
