Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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