Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
