I could have mohawked her pubes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
