I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
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