I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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