just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
