you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
