I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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