His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
