I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
