last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
