I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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