There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
