I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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