11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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