he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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