I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
