I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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