Her vagina should come with caution tape.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
