We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize