Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
