Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
