I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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