Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
