Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
