thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
