Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
