Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
