I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
