CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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