how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
