I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
