I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
