guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize