i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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