we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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