At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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