and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
