Sponge bath it is.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
