WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
