I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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