eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
