....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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