dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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