Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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