Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
