im drinking this country out of the recession.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
