I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
