I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
