There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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