I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize