I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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