dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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