my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am spending my child support on dildos
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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