Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
